Dealing with Dissident Children
When the child goes through toddlerhood, Mama feels that she can breathe a sigh of relief. The days of your child exploding tantrums are over. But wait, you need to get ready, yes, new challenges will soon appear before your eyes.
Entering the age of preteen, don't be surprised if your little girl or hero starts doing small 'rebellions'. Take a deep breath first, Ma. While often frustrating, this is a normal growth stage for preteens.
"At the moment, he is trying to explore the rules at home and the expectations you have placed on him. Your child's behavior is an attempt to express themselves and show independence and authority at home," said Susanne Ayers Denham, a lecturer in Psychology at George Mason University, Virginia.
Entering the age of preteen, don't be surprised if your little girl or hero starts doing small 'rebellions'. Take a deep breath first, Ma. While often frustrating, this is a normal growth stage for preteens.
"At the moment, he is trying to explore the rules at home and the expectations you have placed on him. Your child's behavior is an attempt to express themselves and show independence and authority at home," said Susanne Ayers Denham, a lecturer in Psychology at George Mason University, Virginia.
As a child gets older, he or she will begin to learn various things about the world. The preteen will also begin to build his own opinion (or copy his friend's!) about how to relate to other people. "So, don't be surprised if your child suddenly shows an attitude that is not like him. Maybe he was applying the 'recipe' he got from someone else,” said Denham.
Don't reply with anger.
Don't forget, Mom, no matter how upset she makes you, try not to lash out at the preteen. When you are behaving badly, your child actually feels uncomfortable, you know. Replying to scolding even risks worsening his behavior. It's better to give positive encouragement by praising children when they show the desired behavior," says Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Discipline.Not a punishment, but children need to know the consequences.
Nelsen has his own opinion on punishment. According to him, punishment can indeed be a shock effect that makes children want to obey your rules. However, it happened because he was afraid of what would happen next, and not because of an initiative from within himself. "In fact, the purpose of disciplining children is so that they can control themselves, and not so that our children are under parental control, right?" he said.Although punishment is not the right choice for disciplining children, said Nelsen, children must also know that there are consequences if they violate the agreed rules. Just try to give the types of consequences that are logical and specific, not punitive. For example, if he continues to play soccer in the house and endangers the household, you will be forced to keep the ball in the garage. Or if he doesn't want to stop playing games even though it's been too long, then he will lose playing games for 1 week. Talk about these consequences with your child, so that when a rule is violated, he or she already knows. Is he angry again? It's okay, let him think about what he did and the consequences he needs to live with.